If you look up the word toxic in the oxford dictionary, you will find the following definition:
2. relating to or caused by poison
3. very bad, unpleasant or harmful
The origin of the word toxic actually dates back to the mid-17th century medieval Latin toxicus, which meant poisoned.
Okay, so now that we’ve all had our quick vocabulary lesson for the day, what does it mean when you combine the term toxic in application to people? What and who are toxic people, and why should we be getting rid of them?
There are a bazillion different ways to describe the term toxic people. However, as I always like to keep things as simple as possible, let me say this:
A toxic person is anyone in your life who makes you feel anything less than who you are meant to be.
Hmm, what is she talking about this time? I am talking about people who make you feel bad about yourself, or who attempt to dim your light so to speak. Toxic people have a talent for undermining your self-esteem, making you feel incapable of doing what you came here to do. Their effect is that of crippling your energy and outlook. And often times, whether its intentional or not, they get in the way of you fulfilling your spiritual potential and obligation on this earth plane.
I am sure you have all heard of energy vampires right? Don’t laugh, you know those people I am talking about! Uh, can you say the ones who suck the life force out of you? Well, same thing goes for toxic people. In fact, they can be pretty much one in the same – synonymous if you like. If someone is toxic to you, then you can pretty much bet your life they are also draining your energy in some form or fashion. Likewise, if someone is undermining all your energy by exhausting you mentally or emotionally, you can pretty much count on that individual as being a toxin.
Perhaps as some of you are reading this, you already have a running list going through your head of some of those lovely toxic people in your life – perhaps not. If you can’t think of potential toxins right off hand, then wow, lucky you! If you can think of some, and as you did stumble onto this blog somehow, perhaps it is time to do some cleaning up and clearing out! Got a mop, broom and dust bin?
Before you start loading up that dust bin, perhaps we should expand a little more on which people in your life merit a good clearing and cleaning out. It’s unfortunate, but toxic people are everywhere and they can come in all shapes and sizes. They are sneaky little buggers and can rear their ugly heads in the guise of friends, acquaintances, professional colleagues, partners, spouses, in-laws, extended relatives and yes – blood is not always thicker than water – immediate family members.
More than likely, I will probably get some backlash for including family members on my list. But hey, sometimes, and well let’s face it, most times, they can be the worst offenders. In addition to my own personal experience, I have counseled hundreds of people, everyone from young children to senior aged adults who have had toxin issues with family members. It can be difficult at first to admit that your very flesh and blood could be toxic to your well-being. However, if they need to be included on your list, then regrettably so be it!
Are you still a little foggy on how to identify a toxin in your life? Not sure exactly who should go in that dust bin? Well, let me try to compile a little list for you of some of the types I have encountered on this earth plane. As you’re going down the list, see if anyone you know fits the description. If so, get ready to clean!
Typical types of toxic people: 101
1. Rain on your parade Rudolfs: these people always manage to step on your dreams and make you feel incapable, incompetent and stupid for even thinking you might be able to succeed at such silly life goals and aspirations. Through their own wretched childhood conditioning, these people were taught that taking chances and doing anything out of the norm was unrealistic and foolish. Life for them was all about getting a real job and saving for a rainy day.
These people were discouraged early on. They never took any chances in their life and they are miserable, so why should you attempt to find happiness?
2. Jealous Jennifers: these people can’t ever manage to be happy for you or anything you accomplish. They see everything as a competition. And since they haven’t accomplished what they want in their life, well you can’t either! These people are also miserable, and unless they deal with their own issues chances are they will always be incapable of feeling joy for you.
These people will most often be around when you aren’t doing very well in your life because what they perceive to be your failure will secretly make them feel superior. When you are doing well in your life and accomplishing things, they will often disappear. They can’t handle anyone having or doing more then they feel they are entitled to.
3. Critical Charlies: these people are critical to a fault. They find something wrong with everything. It doesn’t matter what it is – they will find something wrong with it! These are the people that instead of reading this blog, and perhaps applying it to their own life, they will be counting my grammar and punctuations errors. They will be thinking about how they could have done a better job writing this.
By their continuous criticisms of people and circumstances, these people are shouting out from the tower I am and/or was criticized constantly, I don’t like myself and I need some positive reinforcement! Go ahead and waste your energy giving them positive reinforcement your still going to get criticized!
4. Negative Nellies: these people are mega draining. Nothing is ever good enough. The glass is always half empty for this special group. These people are unhappy and damn it, you’re going to be unhappy too! If you’re joyful and excited about some new situation, for the love of god man don’t tell these people! You will quickly find yourself going from elated to deflated.
These types will have you sitting with them joining in their life stinks pity party. The world sucks, people suck, I suck and you suck! If you say it is a beautiful day, they are going to talk about the impending rain. Bad outweighs good so just get over it now! These people will find a way to make you constantly second guess your happiness, never allowing you to feel joy. A huge and resounding Get rid!
5. It’s all about me Marvins: oh my gosh, when you look up the word narcissistic in the dictionary you will find their picture an 8×10 glossy to be exact! These people talk about themselves incessantly and they never even ask anything about you – they dont care! They carry on through life as if no one else existed, it’s all about them baby! Don’t even attempt to say anything about yourself, they will quickly turn the conversation back to them. Believe me, they didn’t hear a word you said anyway so don’t bother!
These are the people who are always late when you meet them for an outing. When they finally do show up, don’t expect an apology you won’t get one! They don’t care about your time, they don’t respect or care about you so deal with it! It’s the Marvin show and you’re just an audience member there only to applaud and adore them.
These people are selfish, disrespectful and insincere. If you want to be there for them, go ahead. But you’re going to have to get in line behind them first. They will always put their needs above everyone else without ever giving anything back. Its a take-take situation for these people! (Wow, see what I mean? They even got an extra paragraph it really is all about them!)
6. Insert your favorite toxic type here
The list of toxic types of people could go on forever and ever. It would probably take days in fact to list them all. There are so many; the Bullying Buffys, Condescending Chucks, Exasperating Ellies, Judgmental Jims and the Sabotage Sallies to name a few more. They are all out there! It’s up to you however, to put a name to the toxic types that are having a harmful affect on your life. After a while, you may even find that many toxic types are a blend of toxins, making for a lovely toxic cocktail. Yummy! (Not!)
Like I said at the beginning, if your life is filled with loving and healthy relationships, then, lucky you! But if you have recognized some of the toxic types of people in your life no matter how much you may or may not care about them, it may be time to let them go. Cleaning and clearing out the toxins in your life allow you to move forward with your life. Getting rid helps you to blossom into the unique and special soul that you came here to be. Filling up the dust bin also allows more space in your life for healthy people and situations to enter.
Analogy Alert! (Apologies in advance P:)
I would like to use a little analogy here. Pretend you and your life is a basket of fruit. The basket represents your life, and the fruit symbolizes what you fill your life with. (people, situations etc.) If you allow the basket to contain rotten fruit, eventually that rotten fruit will decompose over onto the fresh fruit, causing everything in your basket to decay. It won’t matter if you try to add fresh fruit to your basket, it will ultimately succumb to the rotten fruit and itself become putrid and foul. On the other hand, if you keep fresh fruit in your basket, you can add as much more fresh fruit as you like! Make sense?
Some of you reading this may be saying to yourself, Gosh if I get rid of all the toxic people in my life, I will be alone. Have no fear! As I said in my spirit guide blog, you have spirits around you all the time and they are there to help and support you. And although that may not give you an immediate sense of comfort, you can rest easy knowing that once you get rid of the bad fruit, you will begin to notice more and more the fresh fruit coming into your life.
Each and every one of us, no matter age, background, upbringing etc. deserve to be around people who plug us in and see our light for all that it is. We deserve to be around people who encourage, support and nurture us – people who see the best in us and want us to prosper in our spiritual lives. In short, we deserve to be seen!
So what next? Well go get your cleaning supplies and start making way for those healthy people to enter your life. You will be amazed at how quickly your life will transform and how much your energy will increase as you focus on cleaning up, clearing out and getting rid!
Ps. If you found yourself on the list of toxic people or have at any point in your life been a toxin to others, by all means forgive yourself, perhaps make a few apologies, move on, and in the future try to fill your basket with some fresher fruit as well! Shine on! P:)